It is the day after Christmas and I am feeling the after-Christmas let-down – blah- and melancholy! Things were going at such a pace before Christmas that I did not have time to think. Now, everything that had to be done got done or we lived without it, and the after the party dishes are put away – there is nothing pressing to do.

Having nothing pressing to do leaves my mind to reflect on the past few days. My dreams came true for Christmas Eve, our oldest son came to the party! He has schizophrenia and finds it difficult to be around a lot of people, but he pulled it all together, and although, he did not shake hands with everyone, he did not talk to everyone, he, at least smiled and acknowledged their presence.

He loved the Charcuterie board and he started on it about two hours before the party! He also loved the chocolate fountain – where he dipped about a gallon of strawberries in that flowing chocolate! It made me so happy to see him enjoying the things around him. Every now and then, I could see him wander off to a room to be alone for a few minutes, but then he would come back in for another round of chocolate or salami.

We have given this Christmas Eve party for 38 years. It is the social highlight of my year. We invite upwards of a hundred people – and have about half that many to show up. There is no rsvp – just come if you can and bring your grandpa if you would like. There are always some of our dearest ones who are sick, out of town, or prevented by other circumstances from attending, but all who attend seem to be very thankful and appreciative for the event. We have had the equivalent of this gathering in four states. Some events were bigger, some smaller, but it is still my favorite thing to do.

While we lived in Oregon, we had our largest parties. Almost everyone in our circle of friends were transplants from other regions. They did not have family around, so we all got together to form a family of chosen ones, not birthed ones. On one particular Christmas Eve, we had several events to collide. My husband had lost his job. He felt that we could not afford the party, but because it meant so much to me, he wanted us to go on with it. That night, one of our friends brought his violin. Another sat at the piano and they began to play together – completely unrehearsed and sublimely beautiful. I remember vividly standing behind the dining room table, candles burning, everything glowing and hearing that sweet music. As my eyes filled with tears, I thought to myself, “This is a perfect moment in time.”  You know, there are not many of those in our lives.

Sunday evening, as our son faced his demons and enjoyed that salami and flowing chocolate, it was another perfect moment in time. Most of the time, he is incredibly quiet and not very demonstratively affectionate, but that night, all the forces that be, came together for him. He grinned at me, he hugged me several times and, he thanked me several times for giving such a great party! That was the greatest gift I could have received! To see him happy gives me such immense joy that I am crying now, just thinking about it.

His life has not always been so good. Prior to his illness, he was always a gifted musician, playing the piano, guitar, and trombone, as well as having a nice singing voice. He was placed in the talented and gifted group in third grade. He began to show symptoms of his illness in high school. Through difficulties, he graduated from Enterprise State Junior College with an associate degree – many quarters on the dean’s list. He went to Troy state and about seven credit hours short of his graduation, he got so ill he had to be hospitalized. He was never able to go back to school. After that, he lost all interest in his music and showed no interest in anything other than watching TV and movies.

His demons drove him to leave Alabama in 2004 and drive to Oklahoma to a very small town where he lived almost as a hermit for about 18 years. He made no friends. He talked to no one other than at the grocery store, gas station, or fast-food joint. He refused to let us help him find a better place to live, he refused to let us get him a better TV (his had a wide black line across the bottom), or to get him cable. Although he had never gotten into an accident, his car was impounded because he had never transferred his drivers license to Oklahoma from Alabama. He refused to take the necessary steps to get it back.  He was on foot for more than two years.

In 2022, a perfect storm of events caused him to move back to Alabama. After telling me he was moving back to Alabama several different times and changing his mind, I got frustrated and just flew to Dallas to visit a dear friend there. She suggested that we drive the 5 hours up to see him in Oklahoma. I wanted to see him, but almost let my frustration overrule that desire. My friend insisted and off we went. When we got there, we picked him up, went to his favorite place to eat and sat down. Jokingly, I said, “don’t you want to fly home first class (frequent flyer miles, of course) with me for a visit?”  He immediately said, “YES!”  After the shock, and after lunch, we drove to his very humble apartment, he grabbed his duffle and stuffed it full of his belongings. We headed back to Texas and a couple of days later, flew back to Alabama.

About 4 days later, I got a call from his apartment manager asking if I knew where he was. I told her that he was here with me. She said they had been looking for him to serve eviction papers. My heart did a double back flip. No wonder he had been so eager to come back with me. We immediately began to look for a new place for him somewhere around here. We found him an apartment, got rent in line with his income and spent two weeks decorating it for him – before he even saw it! We took him on a ride one day, and said, this is your new home. It was complete with a huge rug, a huge TV, recliner, loveseat, breakfast room table and chairs, a bedroom suite, and second bedroom with a twin bed, brand new linens, dishes, cookware – and pictures on the walls. He broke into a wide grin and said, “I like it!” 

He has been so happy since he moved here. He does not always go with us when we invite him to eat, or visit family, but he does most of the time. He calls us when he needs something and even buys our lunch some days. He has pride and loves his new home. He still loves to watch TV and seems very contented with the wide choice of movies he has with his cable package.

In a round-about way, our prayers were answered!

After losing our younger son last December, little snippets of happiness seem huge. Getting that big hug on Christmas Eve was HUGE.